| View Show | Create Your Own

SHIT!

i blew it..i sent her such a sweet polite message saying i dont want to see her ever again and she replied with something so crude... i blew it..i told her so much shit..but its the truth...damn that bitch to hell! damn all the bitches from ex church to ex school...damn all you mother-fuckers to hell...

its hard....

here i am trying to resist my hatred..tryin to tie it down..yet again someone from the not so pleasant past has to come running and trying to ruin my now hetic life..ive already have so much on my plate..

1. I MISS MY SISTASSS AND MOM N DAD..(godmom and dad)
2. I MISS MY EX..whos away at camp
3. Freaking o levels
4. MY freaking hatred level..im doin self hatred- course
5. My weight prob
6. My money prob..sheesh!!

Im so tired...i need more books to read...

so therefore..this girl who came and is tryin to ruin my life is called Jie Ying. She friend requested me yesterday and I was irritated and angry and my hatred tried to come up and im trying to resist it..sheesh...so anyway..i just sent her a message telling her nicely that..i'll put up the real words..give me a seccy...


Dear Jie Ying,
I am going to decline your friendster request as i don't want to have anything to do with you anymore..ive already planned to cut my life away from those who hurt me..and i hurt them not that im hating you..i just dont want to have a weak n not trustin
relationship again.. guess we can never be friends again. I've been hurt before and as the saying goes 'once bitten, twice Shy'. So i just want to end this whole thing here and now, on a polite now. it includes joanna and rachael too. you have a good sister, mich. be good to her...

yup there it is..sigh...

and i dreamt of "him" again last Saturday....it was really funny actually...hilarious..but why am i dreaming of him again..my friend said it will take time..hw long will that be??

HOLIDAY!! and complaining

YES!! At last! Exams are over! Now its PARTYING! Im seriously having the time of my life right now...my darling cousin is out and we are having a hell of a time..woots! Tomorrow we're going to Escape..weepeee...cant wait...hmm...anonymous..thanks for that sweet entry but please do leave your name...ive had bad pasts with these anonymous people and i tend to get violent with them...not saying you of course..i might be suffering but that was than..im over the hatred..well most of it..and again, IM SO HAPPY! Im over the hatred i had for my ex-church though they don't deserve my forgivness but if i don't and keep the hate..im the one suffering..hee..and well my schoolmates,classmates,i cant give a shit bout them! im just not keeping the hatred in me..its too tiring and i need some sunlight for a while before i go back into my black evil world. hahahahahaha...i guess i'll never be that innocent ever again since my heart is already half black..i myself feel evil..i remember i used to joke with my best friend that what happens if one day i turn evil? and now..i just feel myself turning so violent...even now i still feel a part of me thats evil or something like that..gosh..but the only person i'll never forgive is tat fucking bitch! never! the day im interested in her being is if shes dead or i see her and we have a confrontation. Another thing, now even after the whole church shit, i still feel like christians are hypocrites....sigh... my life sucks!

Hatred...

How can i ask people who read my blog, to get rid of 5 years of hatred. Im not a very forgiving person and to forgive someone that has done something to me its like asking me to eat shit..or whatever..ever since stepping into CDSS and getting into sec 1, ive been tortured rentlessly for the past 5 years due to my attidude..i mean yeah i did have some attitude problems but don't all people have that and not only me?? Because of that, i was shunned,an outcast,a joker,a punching bag for everyone whos not happy espically Gal S. The meanest,fuckiest,bitch ever. The gal tat made my life in school real hell. Ever since sec 1,shes been calling me names,threatening me,she even dared call my house and threatened me. I should have than that time called the police and get her into gals home. Now though its already been a few months,everytime i think of S, i get so mad i feel like doing things. To make matters worse,when i think of the rest that made my life hell,arrgghh...i feel like killing everyone of them. I swear,if ever i see Ms S again...in the streets..if she dare piss me off or bitch me off again in public like last time in tt shopping centre in Chua Cho Kang, she was there and i was there with dira and denise,we were havin breakfast at long johns. SHe came in saw me n embarassed me infront of everyone present there in Long Johns. I think if she did that to me..I wont be a pushover. I'll answer back. last time in school she used to call me a bitch but now if i see her..haha..my mouth being so stinky, i'll say worse shit!! Damn fucked up! if i really ever see her again, i'll fucking kill her! I fucking mean it!! Shes a fucked up bitch if i even view her again in my fucking life!

ITS ALMOST THE XMAS SEASON PEOPLE! AND TO ALL DOGGY LOVERS..WE HAVE TREATS FOR YOU!! SO CHECK OUT THE ADVERT AND THE WEBBY! CHEERS.. :D

Ready prepared meals for dogs made from human grade ingredients. Includes lunchboxes,pastas,baked treats and stews. Check out menu and xmas promo @@@ www.naturalpooch.net.. below are some pictures of the buscuits made espically for the xmas season. Grab it before its out!! U have only until CHRISTMAS DAY!! muhahahahahahahaha...

ps.......by....naturalpooch.net.

the above picture is one of the flavours for christmas cookies..there are actually 3 flavours...this is the peanut banana milkies..

the others are...

1.Cheesie Hippos.

2. Peanut Banana Milkies...

3. Hearty lamb bites...

mmmmMMM...sounds delicious..so therefore..pls do visit the webby above.. hee..cheers people! n MERRY X"MAS IN ADVANCE!! WHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

curious

i just logged into my friendster and i just realised..why issit that peope who once made your life hell now wants to be yon friends? once who made once life in sec school a living hell by scolding or makin or backstabbing...sigh...whats up with that? and now one of them wants to be my friends back...so hilarious.well if i have the time i will say this in her face..FUCK OFF!! n issit so exciting to see once a nerdy,fucked-up,wierd,easy to bully,hated gal smoking? oh. i know.They must have seen my real personal...haha...well..this real personal says to those who has made her life hell...sadly...go eat shit!!wahahaha..okie done

stressed...emtionless...fucked up!

today is saturday. dad is in Penang, mom is playing majong n im at home. currently watching black beauty and blogging. gosh! im so bored!! i want to go out!!!! go out with my friends...im so bored.....gosh! hw can anyone be more bored than me i say! This whole damn week was shitty...my friends in my class n i kept fallin sick..if its not cough its than for me stomach cramps.damn it!! i think its no use tryng to try being there for a person who does not want my help....i think i still like him but his heart is no more with me. its with someone else that dont deserve it! sigh..i really cant be bothered...i still need a partner. i need my partner....i need freedom.i need away from this world..this country...i need to go somewhere else away from all people n start over....and hw i wish it would be soon..sigh...i feel so trapped..here i am in somewhere that is nothing but sad memories except for my friends now tat i care bout and they care bout me.. i feel so happy and so thankful for them..anyway they are better than those motherfucking bluffs from cfc. espically my ex-cell leader..don wanna mention names!!...HAHAHAHAHA!! i love u Dira,Jal,Jun,Mahen,Ben,Kat, mike,isaac,. You guys rock my world!

stressed...emtionless...fucked up!

re

she got cremated today......im mixed emotions....i just miss her....i feel broken inside...

re

i feel broken...happy sad...i also dunno wat im feeling...i also don feel like sleeping eventhough im so bloody knocked out....i wonder what is she doing in heaven nw haha...i hope shes doing well and enjoying herself.. later today is the funeral and than cremation...yesterday and saturday was the wake....I DON WANT TO PART WITH HER!!!!!i miss her so much it hurts....i have nothing to say...i feel...i cant sleep tonight if i do it will be a waterfall before i can fall asleep...haiz...

re

my Godma passed away this morning at 5.30 am...i lost my second mother...

stressed out..n feel dead inside...

today after wakin at 10am by my sweet mom's callin on the house phone..got up..did my clothes. ..got some stuff fr my aunty and urm..im freaking tired!!! i slept like what at 6 am and i feel so mentally drained..physically too...my poor Godma,saw her today and spent quite some time with her...shes getting worse...and she still vomits..my Poor Mom is suffering too..she by thinking shes some kind of super-woman tries to carry her sister to help her move here or there and in the end causing her whole body to ache...and that is causing me to worry...but what can i do for her??? i see her and the rest of my aunties soo stressed....and today..after reachin my aunts house n her dog was locked in the room cause the nurse to check my auntie came so he was sadly..locked in..so i went in with his breakfast thinkin of being a good kind person i kinda put the bread in front of his mouth and he..turned around and bit me..nw my whole hands in pain and the serious wounds are on the wrist...heres some blurry pics....ouch..:( hurts..stupid bloody dog...totemo itai..baka inu!!!totemo ni mini ku i shimasu......su ke tachi shimasu!!! than yesterday came home...started seachin the web for some Jap schools and im so lucky i found one in miyaki demo daigaku wa doko e i masu ka?? wakaranai..haha....demo it has my course which i wanted to do which was marine bio nw its cooking..haha i dunno but i still want to go to Australia.....sigh...im rambling but im seriously so scared..my mom gave my aunt this nichiyoubi...im scared.....

im so stressed...

my godma who is also my auntie,after being diagnosed with cancer of the stomache caused her to take so many chemo-jabs..which caused her to become skinner and skinner...than after her 3 protein jabs which the docs thought could help,...now caused her to just be so tired...so skinny..cant eat....cant even drink water...cant sleep...shes now skin n bones..seein her causes me to be so pain...but i cant let this pain out...than now shes on the oxygen in her room...she tried to commit suicide today...seein her to sad n depressed...i cant cry in front of her...everyone thinks shes goin either this week or next...im so worried...n just seeing her like this...and she keeps vomitin out bile...n if she eats anythin.she just vomits it out too...i don want her to go so fast....i want her to get well.....I WANT MY OLD GODMA BACK!!!!wat can i do...the whole fuckin house is so depressing....ah............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im feeling .. :D

okie....ive realised..either its myself wantin to think bout it or what..but obviously its my brain la so yeah whatever......but when my brain is really blank or when im totally hima or when im about to sleep.....my crushes name..n good friend..which is e same person..starts to drift into my mind.......in out..in out...haha....oOMG!!! could it mean...IM FALLING FOR HIM??? AHHH CANNOT HAPPEN!!!DEFINETELY NO!NO!NO! AND OH YA...madeline pls dont be a busybody and come and read my blog...its called tresspassing and i hate tresspassers.....so kindly stop bein so busybody okie...its darn irritating! so nicely put...stay out! harsher.. GET LOST!!!!i don want to use bad words on you cause i don wanna stoop to your level or immaturity..but anywys thanks for wakin me up! like so WATEVER!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! 3 more test papers and im done!!!wohooooo!!!!!!!do little dance.....Di....today i buy cigs than u help me keep please??? im crazy.... :D and oh yeah..Australia is calling out to me..OMG!!! HOW??? watashi no ima wa..chotto okashi desu ne..gomen ne mina-san...

re

i dunno...Jun Jie..when will u like me??? i think im beginning to like you..but i know you will never like me....sigh...today went fine....went out today with nadhirah..went to eat....at FISH N CO..WAO!! DELICIOUS!!! than walked around aimlessly....so funny...got beatiful gifts from my friends..from my best friend...a made it herself photo prame with beautiful designs..my good friend passed away just 2 days after my birthday..im so sad..my heart is soo pain...tmr is his cremation..i duno wat to do..i will miss him so much...i loved him soo..!!!BRO WHY!!!!!what bout the KFC challenges..i still want it!!!come back!!!

reviews of my birthday

well i must say my birthday was not bad at all. it was quite fun actually...did not go for jap class came home instead...lunchtime went to buy shirt with mei mei..gave cake out durin lesson...got 1 present only though from mei but i don mind...but wat saddens me was my close friends did not even wish me anything....im not thinkin bout it..than the day befre by birthday..stayed up till 4 am to watch "My lovely Samsoon". oh man...so romantike...arrgghhh!! cant take it! i lve the last episode...muakz....love tat show....Samshi's is shooo cute!!!! hee espically with the hair down..so boyish...

fucking fakers

all those people who told me that they are my friends..those who said they will stand by me and help me along the way...those who said they are there to help me and just be my friend..let me tell u something...u are like the rest of the world...u hurt and you gloat..and you don' t care bout other peoples feelings....disgusting people should not be able to live in this world but sadly God made you all...im disgusting in my own way but people who take pleasure making fun of people talking and hurting people are the real disgusting ones..if you all are hurt go let it out of a thing not a person..I HAVE FEELINGS YOU KNOW!! whatever..those who called me elephant and those who laughed along with it...i hope i wont see you in heaven! nor will i want to join you in hell! and if you do go to hell i hope it will hurt like shit! and your lives will be so miserable for the rest of the days till Jesus comes down..all the best!

re

sigh..LORD PLS HELP MY GODMa!! DON TAKE HER SO SOON.....help us Lord...

re

today did go to my aunts house..bought food there like bread n fishball soup..me favourite..than went to this hair-dresser shop at Ang Mo Kio. Mom went to do her hair n i just washed n blow dried and the lady helped me straighten it with the straightener..so now my hair looks good haha..fucking bored...dunno wat to do now talkin to my friends...

re

today national day nothin much to say anyway...nothin much to do either..maybe later on will be going to my aunt's house to "surprise" her as my mam wants to say.haha....wateva....1 MORE MONTH and than i'll be 18!! How fuckin cool is that..haha....cant wait...wahahaha...i wonder...will JJ like me or that was nothing...i was on a damn high for nothing...miss my sticks...haha..
okie im done...

my fav song

my fav song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGU76is9BuY

re

this song wanted to update a long time ago but the internet was out..how fuckin shitty is that huh! haha anyways...damn today i had a high for nothing..haha....thought tat somethin might work out but in e end nothin....i dunno...so sad...haha shits man!

ToRmEnTOr

TORMENTOR
I may have made life miserable for you a long time ago...
But that's in the past...
I cry every night just over this
My heart aches so much it hurts...
Why cant you just let it go and leave it be?
Leave me alone n let me be..

Chorus:
Tormentor...just leave me alone...
My life sucks as it is already
ANd im drowning in constant depression
Every single day of my fucking life
Just Fuck off and let me be!
My tormentor just leave me be


I've been broken and not mended
My life is in shambles now
Why do u torment me even in my dreams...
What should i do..
if i see u again...??
My heart will just break....


Chorus
Tormentor..just leave me alone..
My life sucks as it is already..
And im drowning in constant depression,
Every single day of my fucking life.
Just Fuck off and let me be!
My tormentor just leave me be


Don't ever piss me off
And if i ever see you again..
I won't know what will happen to you.

WHo Am I?

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt
Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours
Who am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours
Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You are
I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
Vapor in the wind
Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours
I am Yours
Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

re

why do i keep postin at least 3 times a day..haha lamo....i was talkin to my friend bout tat incident with my ex n wat he told me tat day still haunts my heart n my being till today....ouch! n im hurt....haiz...

wat u want me to do huh??

havent been out in the sun for 3 straight days....have been enjoying the solitude tht i'm having now.. was sill thinking weather to give elizaberth another chance ... i'll nv forget the day where she taunt my friends... nv....
9:23 AM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - email it

taken from mayo blog though she does not knoe..sigh wat u want me to do? are u realli givin me a new chance?? i dunno...I WANT TO LIVE A NORMAL HUMAN LIFE NOW!!AND I WANT A BF!!IM ALREADY 18 ARRGGHHH......HEE LOVE U GOD....LOVE U MADE..BYE CFC...SEE YA...LOVE U KAT...

i think im goin crazy

im going crazy! wonderful! what in e world is up with me.....i feel so unstable..one minute im fine the other i'm mad than again im fine all over again arrgghhh!!! What is wrong with me! fine forget it i cant be bothered anymore..anyways....I LOVE HARD GAY!!! HE ROCKS!!! hee personal view...n hes hot too....

nt regretful...seems like im so heartless

im changing church. im changin back to my other religion that my present religion despises so much.. im gonna be back into a catholic my original religion and im happy bout it! sometimes i think of it..why do the christians despise the catholics?? that the protestants and catholics had to fight...sigh...just because of Mother Mary..for one i love her! shes so sweet so kind...haiz...gonna take up catekism from my aunty if tat is how u spell it haha...cant wait! demo GOD I STILL LOVE U!! YOUR STILL MY ONE N ONLY!!! aishiteru..hee

love sucks

okie in my this whole pathetic life ive only really i think loved 2 people or 3..2 from my so called "past life" n one from here....n all have hurt me as much as ive hurt them....well the one now ive not hurt him at all only he hurt me..but the other 2...im sorry u 2 i never knew my actions have really hurt u till today...tooya(i only knoe u from this name) and Lane ...ごめなさい
　　ほんとう ni... aishiteru....

As for Mr Chew i have nothin to say..if he is Lane than ive really have nothin to say..at all...

Re

im hurt

when will it stop?

i won't cry...

but yet the pain won't stop

what should i do?


im thinkin of u day and night


inside outside sleep awake..


now im dead inside...


now..

i feel stupid...

i feel like a draft thinkin of this guy who will never return it...



when will it stop???

re

im hurt

when will it stop?

i won't cry...

but yet the pain won't stop

what should i do?


im thinkin of u day and night


inside outside sleep awake..


now im dead inside...


now..

i feel stupid...

i feel like a draft thinkin of this guy who will never return it...



when will it stop???

HELP!!

yes now i need everyone possible to view this damn picture!! i need to know wat this ugly thing is!! HELP!!!!!!SOMEONE!!!! :D

wierd.....

why wierd ok heres the deal..its really really stupid though...n i dunno why...2 people say tat we might never make it...3 people say we might n follow my heart and 2 more say yes..take the risk either whether to accept tat it will never happen or tat it will happen n the other say follow my heart but just move on for now...wat should i do? i also don want to care anymore...i want a bf now tat can last long n tat can be my pillar n i his pillar..... hee...

im giving up!

im giving up..know we will never make it...hee...im fine...shall give up....hee...

haiz im sick

sigh.....talkin to my friend now n she say tat maybe he likes me but waitin for the right day but than i say wat if it does not come true?? she asked me to be friends with him first but i told her he cant talk to a gal who still likes him so how to be friends! than i just get lost! i wanna give up im sick seriously sick! my friend say i have no more chance cause i cant talk to him cause i like him curtesy of PASTORS WIFE ADVISE! n he likes someone else...but who??i don care! {SENSORED}!!! im seriously sad....why am i still so stupid..gettin affected like this?

Carrie Underwood-God BlessThe Broken Rroad

Carrie Underwood God Bless The Broken Road Lyrics
I set out on a narrow way many years agoHoping I would find true love along the broken roadBut I got lost a time or twoWiped my brow and kept pushing throughI couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to youEvery long lost dream lead me to where you areOthers who broke my heart they were like northern starsPointing me on my way into your loving armsThis much I know is trueThat God blessed the broken roadThat led me straight to youEvery long lost dream lead me to where you areOthers who broke my heart they were like northern starsPointing me on my way into your loving armsThis much I know is trueThat God blessed the broken road That led me straight to you


my new song lyrics haha....

today went to the ZOO!! OH ME GOSH!! I feel like a kinde student....haha.....and lots of things changed...the penguins are sooo cute!!! and the crocs are soooooooo FAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and the snakes are soooooo cute!!!! haha..I WANT TO WORK THERE!! n today nachos tat kat bought had discount cause the indian guy liked her n wanted her number so wat went from $4.00 to $2.60 hee soo funny...soo fun! n adrian kept tryin to take pictures of Kat so funny and haha...just had

OK OK OK OK OK I LOVE YOU!! HAPPY!!!!

fine fine fine FINE! I LIKE I LOVE I HATE I LOVE I LIKE I HATE YOU....ARRGGHHH BUT YET U WON CARE WOULD U..WOULD U!!! I WANT OUT OUT OUT I WANNA RUN AWAY FROM U!! RUN FAR FAR AWAY AWAY AWAY..AWAY...AWAY...

WHY AM I HATED SO!

why am i still hated so? it has been so so long...they still hate me...i just want to be friends...why do u guys hate me so....so wat if i was tat person in the other life which i doubt its real given my religious up bringing so wat..its over..im someone else i have my own tempers i don remember anythin anymore....mayo tooya if so be it if u think im still tat same person do wat u must but don curse me where i can see it cause i never say anythin to u....ok...fuck sia

issit depression again??

while talkin to my friends online n talkin bout Mr J.C i was thinkin...why issit tat cause of him im fallin into depression? its only on my own part n me being stupid but i cant help it...so i was thinking wat happens if i leave this country n go somewhere else? will he care?? will anyone care for tat matter? even if i leave without a word only my besties n parents? i don think so..i think everyone will celebrate or won care a shit...i really wanna leave.leave all the hurt behind me n go somewhere else n start all over. Go to a place where no one hates me or no one knoes me n who just loves me....i want to leave i really want to leave....i don want to stay in Singapore anymore...where ive only been hurt.....sobz...i think if i left..only a few like isaac,nadira n paul will give a thing tat ive left but i don think anyone from church will miss me..not even the Pastor....n mostly not even Joel i think everyone will be celebrating...all my enemies will be so happy n curse me tat i might stay n maybe even die there....i hate this place! i hate my life! i hate this world tat is surrounding me right now!!! I WANT LEAVE!! I WANT OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

re

i was angry with everyone...in church my second home...got more ang.ry with my ex cause we fought n i was soo angry...hw i swore to get back at him..but in e end it did not hurt him it hurt me more...n my faith went down...when im blind to the extent i am really blind but now i feel like the veil tat covered my face my eyes my mind has been lifted..and i really hope i can really just mantain it...Wilbert i forgive u we were both at fault ...lets not let this fight get into our faith...cheers bro!

and this lyrics my all time fav!!


Jesus Freak lyrics
DC Talk
Support this site by buying DC Talk CD's
A big thank you goes out to Ash for submitting these lyrics :)
Lyrics:
Separated I cut my self clean From a past that comes back in my darkest of dreams Been apprehended by a spiritual force And a grace that replaced all the me I've divorced I saw a man with a tattoo on his big fat belly It wiggled around like marmalade jelly It took me awhile to catch what it said Cause I had to match the rhythm of his belly with my head "Jesus Saves" is what it raved in a typical tattoo green He stood on a box in the middle of the city And claimed he had a dream Chorus: What will people think when they hear that I'm a Jesus freak What will people do when they find that it's true I don't really care if they label me a Jesus freak There ain't no disguising the truth Kamikaze my death is gain I've been marked by my Maker A peculiar display The high and lofty they see me as weak Cause I won't live and die for the power they seek There was a man from the desert with naps in his head The sand that he walked was also his bed The words that he spoke made the people assume There wasn't too much left in the upper room With skins on his back and hair on his face They thought he was strange by the locusts he ate The Pharisee's tripped when they heard him speak Until the king took the head of this Jesus freak chorus People say I'm strange, does it make me a stranger That my best friend was born in a manger People say I'm strange, does it make me a stranger That my best friend was born in a manger What will people think *What will people think* What will people do *What will people do* I don't really care *What else can I say* There ain't no disguising the truth *Jesus is the way*

I LOVE U JESUS!!!

Lord its time that i should come back to the heart! and thats...WORSHIPPING YOU AND YOU ONLY!!!!!!come back to the heart of worship and that only to worship u my ONE N ONLY!!FORGIVE me Jesus ive been lost too long...i want to come back..to the heart of worship! heemuakz MY LORD RULESSSSSSSSS

Sorimachi Takashi my HUSBAND!! arrghh hessss sooo handsome!!! n the other Gackuto Camui haha another star but not my husband more like my dada...haha..love them both!

re

Love is when you wake up from loneliness and sleep through a dream, but when that love is gone you wake up from that dream and sleep through reality.



He was nothing but a dream, a dream to keep u alive and strong, a dream to make u hold onto those last few breaths of life...its ok to wake up..its time to let go, hes hurting u deep inside and he dont even know it...its time to wake up

yes time to wake up...cause no use to dream of a fuckin loser

re

so i guess its my fault tat i asked for patch..hopin tat it would work out again n so i got my deserts i got hurt...n now tat we broke...n my friend told me tat its my fault as i asked for patch..and tat so i should not complain even if i got hurt....yeah la..wateva i do no matter what i its my fault right...even if im hurt in e end its still my fault everythings my fault...so than someone just kill me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

re

im so hurt..im so pissed...n i think my depression is comin back just cause of tat one sms..which touched a veri sensitive spot veri..too hurtin...too hurting..hes not worth lovin hear me Wilbert..YOUR NOT FUCKIN WORTH LOVING!! rot in hell ba...

Sigh

as u have seen from my previous entries...im veri pissed n guess wat..last night i called him..to talk...to show love and he repaid me this shit..i asked him last night this how it went..

im cuttin short...

kellynne: is our relationship okie?
wilbert:ya why do u ask??

and than he complained bout him sick n everything which i said okie n than he smsedme this..


actually to tell you the truth,when i go out with u i find it wierd..why?i do not understand?

than i snapped after all tat so all the cold treatment n the non-caring n only me must care led down to it tat he found it WIERD!!WAT THE FUCKIN SHIT HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cried like shit last night.....n i did somethin stupid n somethin tat really i have not done in e long time unless im pushed to the limits.... ------> [SENSORED] pretty huh...so continue..after this n after crying.cant believe he had to be e one tat i cried for...sucks man...anyways..so cause of this shit i slept at 4..woke up went to church alone ...n tat fuckin asshole called me today when i was in e bus n asked me where am i? i told him coldly im on my way..he say where..i said bus than he said where..on the way to meet him i said no...he offed the fuckin call..than he smsed me.are u angry?? IS IT NOT TAT FUCKIN OBVIOUS!! IF IM NOT ANGRY WILL I SAY ANNOUCE IT TO THE WORLD OH IM ANGRY!! LIKE WAT THE SHIT! ASK THIS KIND OF QUESITON!!! THAN NOT ENOUGH..LATER..ON...AT THIS TIME... 3.35 PM.... from wilbert: UR ANGRY RIGHT. OKAH. I GOT SOMETHING ELSE TO TELL U I HATE UR STINKING ATTITUDE I HATE THE WAY U TREAT PEOPLE I HATE THE WAY U THINK ABOUT CHURCH PEOPLE AND U REALLY NEED GOD" is wat he smsed me...why i treat people like this is because THEY FUCKIN HURT ME FIRST! THEY FUCKIN DID NOT ALLOW ME TO FEEL ACCEPTED AND HE SIDED THOSE WHO MADE ME HELL!! HE DID NOT KNOW WAT THE REAL REASON WAS N HE ACCUSED ME OF ALL THIS SHIT!!! IM SO FUCKIN ANGRY N IM SOO SAD...WAT I FEEL LIKE DOIN NOW IS GOIN TO HIM..SLAP HIM..HOLD HIM BY E NECK..N RIP HIS FUCKIN TROAT OUT OF HIS FUCKING NECK!!! TELL ME WHEN A GF IS ANGRY THE BF SHOULE BE THE ONE TO CONSOL HER NOT SCOLD HER..AND ONE MORE THING...WHEN I WAS ANGRY I WAS ANGRY ON THE WAY HE TREATED ME AS A GF NOT ON HIS CHARACTER....I DID NOT DIG OUT ANY SHIT FROM HIM..N YET..IN ONE DAY HE DIGGED OUT TAT MUCH SHIT N THREW IT IN MY FACE WITHOUT KNOWIN THE REAL REASON..WHY I THINK of our church like this..why i treat some of them like this..cause they did it to me first!!! my heart is soo pain now..i feel like cuttin myself again......why must this piece of shit be the one to hurt me!! why! fuck him all the way to hell..n he still called me bt i offed the call n i smsed him this.. cold n sweet.. yes wat can i do for you. tts all...sobz....after wat he said he think i can forgive him? wat he smsed was veri sensitive its between those who hurt me alone n not concernin him! wat fuckin right does he have to tell me off like this! ITS NONE OF HIS FUCKIN BUSINESS..THE PIECELESS SHIT OF SHIT.. THE BO LAN JIAO BO ANYTIHNG ARRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I HATE U!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I FUCKING HATE U !!!!!!!!!!!GO EAT SHIT GO DIE U MOTHERLESS PIECE OF SHIT U MOTHER FUCKER YOU BASTARD U SON OF A BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

re

im depressed....i want NANA n JIE JIE!!! I WANT THEM BACK!! IM SO DEPRESSED...SIGH..DOES HE LOVE ME? haiz...

NOW IM REALLY ANGRY!!!

OKIE I LoVE HIM I REALLY DO BUT NOW DOES HE?? TELL ME MOST BFS WILL AT LEAST SMS GD NITE TO THEIR GFS AT NIGHT..N CALL THEM AT LEAST WITHOUT THEIR GFS CALLIN THEM FIRST RIGHT?? !! WAT THE FUCK!!! AND THAN I ALWAYS HAVE TO CALL HIM FIRST!!WHY MUST HE MATCH TT OF TAT FUCKER DARREN!!!!THEY ARE SOO FUCKIN ALIKE WITH THE NOT CALLIN {SENSORED}!! Y MUST I TAKE ALL THIS!! I WANT A PILLAR BUT HES NOT MY {SENSORED} PILLAR INSTEAD IM HIS WAT THE

sad sad

u know i dun understand one thing...all my exs so far does not like to call me or wat not shit man! NOW I DON UNDERSTND WATS WRONG WITH MY CURRENT BOY...HE SEEMS SO ANGRY N DON EVEN WANNA CALL ME WAT I DO TO HIM!! :( SOBZ......WHY AM I SO SUAI! DOSHITE DOSHITE! DOSHITE! ANATA WA TOTEMO KIRAI KIRAI KIRAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! DOSHITE! WATASHI NO KARE WA IMA WA TOTEMO NI KIRAI DESU!!! BAKAYARO! KUSTOYARO!!!AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!! WATAHI NO KARE WA IMA WA ANGRY DESU SHO..DEMO WAKARANAI.......HE WON EVEN CALL ME!!!!!!!

Hana lyrics

hanabira no you ni chiriyuku naka de
yume mitai ni kimi ni deaeta kiseki
ai shiatte kenka shite
iron na kabe futari de norikoete
umarekawattemo anata no soba de hana ni narou
itsumademo aru no darou ka
ore no maue ni aru taiyou wa
itsumademo mamorikireru darou ka
naki warai okoru kimi no hyoujou wo
izure subete nakunaru no naraba
futari no deai ni motto kansha shiyou
ano hi ano toki ano basho no kiseki wa
mata atarashii kiseki wo umu darou
ai suru koto de tsuyoku naru koto
shinjiru koto de norikireru koto
kimi ga nokoshita mono wa ima mo mune ni
hora kagayaki ushiwazu ni
shiawase ni omou meguriaeta koto
ore no egao torimodoseta koto
"arigatou" afureru kimochi daki susumu michinori
* hanabira no you ni chiriyuku naka de
yume mitai ni kimi ni deaeta kiseki
ai shiatte kenka shite
iron na kabe futari de norikoete
umarekawattemo anata ni aitai
** hanabira no you ni chitte yuku koto
kono sekai de subete ukeirete yukou
kimi ga boku ni nokoshita mono
"ima" to iu genjitsu no takaramono
dakara boku wa seiippai ikite hana ni narou
hana wa nande kareru no darou
tori wa nande toberu no darou
kaze wa nande fuku no darou
tsuki wa nande akari terasu no
naze boku wa koko ni iru n' darou
naze kimi wa koko ni iru n' darou
naze kimi ni deaeta n' darou
kimi ni deaeta koto sore wa unmei
*, ** repeat
ameagari niji kakari aoarashi ni umare shi hikari
koko ni yuruginai taisetsu na mono
kidzuiteru "ai suru" to iu koto
mada arukeru darou? mieteru n' da mou
"omoi" toki wo koe towa ni hibike
kimi no yorokobi kimi no itami kimi no subete yo
saa sakihokore motto motto motto

my dar jewel

this gal here is Jewel..shes a keeshond..n her fur is soo thick. Her breed is meant more for the colder countries and not hot singapore. shes veri blur,example when u call her to come she wont come even with a treat in e hand. u most go to her than she will eat it. when takin her out for a walk u must be vry careful..don ever run with her if u do u will trip and fall and shes clever to escape from her leash to join her besty Jeanie. why issit tat its dangerous to run with her she will purposely walk in front of u and than u will trip over her and suffer bad bad injuries...but shes soo cudely..n whenever i go she sees me she will jump for joy. both her n jeanie will haha cause i know both from young not braggin bt true...jeanie from a puppy...hehe....sooooo cute...lol...cant wait for next sunday...

4th june-happy birthday jie

haha Mr Sunday. His first day boarding at my Jie house.. a cute handsome gentlemanly but aggressive to other male dogs. The other dog you see in the background is another boarding dog named Toby going home tuesday. For this sweet dear im glad i'll see him every sunday haha...hes sooooooo cute n handsome haha..love him.. the other dog is my dear jeeanie..see her soo cute right..let me tell u something shes a tough gal she is..shes one of e most clever dogs ive seen in my whole entire life ahahaha n someone inexperienced in walkin or takin care of dogs cannot handle this beauty..haha i love her..shes compassionate,lovin and veri veri "manja".. haha i love her... this is where i spend my sundys with these wonderful animals that the Lord has put in me life...i'll upload the others 1 more a keeshond haha also vei cute tat one also has another story to tell

RE

I WANT A BOYFRIEND!!! ARRGGHH.. don want to sound despo but i really want one...sigh....a good one one i can click, one tt i really can feel the love,is possessive,i can trust,is clean minded and that i must be able to understand him..sigh

fun day!

today only slept for 4 fuckin hours than went to school still managed to stay awake...today had maths and so little people hahaha than after that did my accounts test early than left with mie mie she went to cut her hair..looks good i must say haha..than went to find shoes found a nice veri high heel black one for her for her modellin interview hee....had fun but nw damn beat...heee....

my heart

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSZ9SPz9hrA

re

i hate life!!! N I FEEL SOOOOO FUCKING STUPID MAN!! SO DAMN STUPID WHY AM I FALLING AGAIN N HURTING AGAIN!! WHY MUST HE HURT ME THE SAME WAY AS JOEL DID WHY!! WHY? DOUSHITE? DOUSHITE!!!!!!!!!!! AARRGGGHHHHHHHHHHH WHY AM I SO STUPID..I FEEL BROKEN,BETRAYED HURT N ANGRY...I FEEL SO WEAK N I HATE FEELING WEAK AS IM NOT...! at least after meetin them today later on met the gang with kat haha had so much fun. they are all as crazy as ever n i MISS THEM SOO MUCH!!! haha mahen today seekin attention my gosh he kneeled in front of me...than durin late dinner..the rest danik,jun n ah ma went to toilet n picked up viki n urm..i put ice on their chair so funny.. haha than too bad it did not happen sigh... they did not fall for it than later on we celebrated vikis birthday...today in e end still ended grat!! i love my gang!

re

http://apps.rockyou.com/rockyou.swf?instanceid=24393550" quality="high" wmode="transparent" width="426" height="320" name="flashticker" align="middle" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer"/>

IM BACK!!

God Is Moving
by Hillsong United
album: United Live (2000)
Holy Spirit, Touch Your people
Teach us the ways of God
And as we live, As Jesus did
You are honored and lifted up
There's a stirring in the Spirit
There's an urgency in this hour
We as children must obey
Can you hear
The footsteps of God
God is moving, God is moving
Can you hear the sound
Of revival
As we praise You, as we sing
Draw near to us O God
As we cry out for the nations
Pour out revival in the land
There's a stirring in the Spirit
There's an urgency in this hour
We as children must obey
Can you hear
The footsteps of God

what am i going to do?

okie...i kinda like someone but i dont know if he likes me that i dont know....so on off on off but i myself don dare really believe that im liked in case i really fall too deep again and i will hurt..ive hurt for 2 damn years n its enough and with that place somemore..i will never go back there again...nt just tt guy but almost all hurt me so much..now im churchless but im still fine...sigh..GOd help me pls..

the future

i think im goin to be depressed again...just because im a village gal become rich gal n now i get shit like this..this year is gonna be shit n i know my birthday is gonna be even more shitter. i think last year i cried only one day before n in the early mornin this year both days...so funny i love it wao!! this years gonna suck even more than last year...im gonna cry more tts for sure...

something simple leads to another

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok at first i told my mom that i wanted to go Japan to visit my friends bro and sis there n their family but since its so short cause its only 5 days and the air-fare is expensive of course since i was looking forward to it and than she drops the bomb she always does and than now im not goin so of course i shed tears n she calls that throwin tantrum funny huh she told this.. SO WAT IF U PASS YOUR N LEVELS YOU FAILED YOUR O LEVELS, U DON DESERVE TO GO FOR NUTS YET U STILL WANT A HOLIDAY OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE ALL As YET THEY ARE POOR AND THEY TOO CANT GO ON A HOLIDAY GO GO IF TAT MAKES U SOO STRESSED UP AND UNHAPPY GO IM HAPPY U GO CAN REALLY GET RID OF YOU!! DON STRESS ME UP WITH ALL THESE OKIE GO GO!!! the worst part is the u don deserve to go part cause of my O Lvels than nw she talks bout me in my current school. yes i know its damn expensive im so sorry i wasted that much money of me but have u ever thought why did i not do well besides the not studyin part...cause you were part of it that made me feel so frustrated and i cried alot last year actually haha that was partly wat caused me not to study n the other was laziness....lol...i know this year is goin to be even more FUCKED up than last year because i just know it..such a bad start wat do u think...sometimes i wonder now im studyin hard enough for wat i say...for wat?? wat i gain?? i gain nothing i don gain a holiday at all...n when i said that i did not have a holiday since sec 1 she blowed up saying this: HOLIDAY! HOIDAY! WAT HOLIDAY DO U EVEN DESERVE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?? TELL ME DO U? than when i mentioned my n levels she got more angry than she tod me this i don like goin on holidays but if tat makes u soo sad n stressed than go ahead go ahead i don care i want to wash my hands of you and u make me disappointed..cause i cried... why must wat happened last year happen this year again hw long must i cry n cry before all this nonsense will stop?? are they just gonna force me into depresion again like last year where i had to cry everynight in my room and cut my self i feel like doin that u know but i rather smoke n study at least my brain will hurt due to too much studying haha i rather do that n i lve that hahahahahaha im cryin right now..it really hurts when she has to talk bout last year n i start rememberin all the hurt again...sigh....

People just won't understand

sigh noor....u sure?? ive made the cure for myself by meself for too long and people were and still are not there to help..some of them takes soo long than to call me...they sometimes just cant be bothered to call me at al... and they are the ones who hurt me...sigh......

crying unseen

haiz..looks like i really havta let him go but than its soo hard...ive not found someone i like or anyhow.....n i don dare open up again and than why is my heart crying again.....and i STILL FUCKIN HATE MYSELF for puttin myself through this pain...why..why....oh i feel like crying but i cant...i hate my life now...

re

nothin much happened todae....

haha

lifes wierd u know that...in e past it was school stressin and church relieving...nw its church stressin n school relieving..i don understnd one bit at all...hw? and was just lookin through some of my old blogs i did in my old blogger and well..its depressing....lol..veri depressing.....haha.....hmm..at least now im better..i still find cdss a fucked up school haha....i dont want to go back to church.....im sad...and there is somethin disturbing me..why do i keep thinking of someone when that someone will never think back....why.......i hate myself i really do i wish for someone who really be there for me...someone i like....not liked....sigh......why do i keep thinkin of him when he does not think of me..why do i keep thinkin it will work out when i know it wont...どして？　どして？今　に　みな　わ　ほんとお　きらい　です。。。ごめんね。。。。。sigh......

Re

change is good for you

Starting over new

JUst want to chnge lots of things has happened...firstly did not do well in my O Levels so redoing it again...getting hurt by my own stupidity of loving someone who will never ever return it though i don blame him its my own stupid thoughts...gotten over him though and now..though in a new school and im seriously very happy but now...im still sad....