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she got cremated today......im mixed emotions....i just miss her....i feel broken inside...

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i feel broken...happy sad...i also dunno wat im feeling...i also don feel like sleeping eventhough im so bloody knocked out....i wonder what is she doing in heaven nw haha...i hope shes doing well and enjoying herself.. later today is the funeral and than cremation...yesterday and saturday was the wake....I DON WANT TO PART WITH HER!!!!!i miss her so much it hurts....i have nothing to say...i feel...i cant sleep tonight if i do it will be a waterfall before i can fall asleep...haiz...

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my Godma passed away this morning at 5.30 am...i lost my second mother...

stressed out..n feel dead inside...

today after wakin at 10am by my sweet mom's callin on the house phone..got up..did my clothes. ..got some stuff fr my aunty and urm..im freaking tired!!! i slept like what at 6 am and i feel so mentally drained..physically too...my poor Godma,saw her today and spent quite some time with her...shes getting worse...and she still vomits..my Poor Mom is suffering too..she by thinking shes some kind of super-woman tries to carry her sister to help her move here or there and in the end causing her whole body to ache...and that is causing me to worry...but what can i do for her??? i see her and the rest of my aunties soo stressed....and today..after reachin my aunts house n her dog was locked in the room cause the nurse to check my auntie came so he was sadly..locked in..so i went in with his breakfast thinkin of being a good kind person i kinda put the bread in front of his mouth and he..turned around and bit me..nw my whole hands in pain and the serious wounds are on the wrist...heres some blurry pics....ouch..:( hurts..stupid bloody dog...totemo itai..baka inu!!!totemo ni mini ku i shimasu......su ke tachi shimasu!!! than yesterday came home...started seachin the web for some Jap schools and im so lucky i found one in miyaki demo daigaku wa doko e i masu ka?? wakaranai..haha....demo it has my course which i wanted to do which was marine bio nw its cooking..haha i dunno but i still want to go to Australia.....sigh...im rambling but im seriously so scared..my mom gave my aunt this nichiyoubi...im scared.....

im so stressed...

my godma who is also my auntie,after being diagnosed with cancer of the stomache caused her to take so many chemo-jabs..which caused her to become skinner and skinner...than after her 3 protein jabs which the docs thought could help,...now caused her to just be so tired...so skinny..cant eat....cant even drink water...cant sleep...shes now skin n bones..seein her causes me to be so pain...but i cant let this pain out...than now shes on the oxygen in her room...she tried to commit suicide today...seein her to sad n depressed...i cant cry in front of her...everyone thinks shes goin either this week or next...im so worried...n just seeing her like this...and she keeps vomitin out bile...n if she eats anythin.she just vomits it out too...i don want her to go so fast....i want her to get well.....I WANT MY OLD GODMA BACK!!!!wat can i do...the whole fuckin house is so depressing....ah............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im feeling .. :D

okie....ive realised..either its myself wantin to think bout it or what..but obviously its my brain la so yeah whatever......but when my brain is really blank or when im totally hima or when im about to sleep.....my crushes name..n good friend..which is e same person..starts to drift into my mind.......in out..in out...haha....oOMG!!! could it mean...IM FALLING FOR HIM??? AHHH CANNOT HAPPEN!!!DEFINETELY NO!NO!NO! AND OH YA...madeline pls dont be a busybody and come and read my blog...its called tresspassing and i hate tresspassers.....so kindly stop bein so busybody okie...its darn irritating! so nicely put...stay out! harsher.. GET LOST!!!!i don want to use bad words on you cause i don wanna stoop to your level or immaturity..but anywys thanks for wakin me up! like so WATEVER!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! 3 more test papers and im done!!!wohooooo!!!!!!!do little dance.....Di....today i buy cigs than u help me keep please??? im crazy.... :D and oh yeah..Australia is calling out to me..OMG!!! HOW??? watashi no ima wa..chotto okashi desu ne..gomen ne mina-san...

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i dunno...Jun Jie..when will u like me??? i think im beginning to like you..but i know you will never like me....sigh...today went fine....went out today with nadhirah..went to eat....at FISH N CO..WAO!! DELICIOUS!!! than walked around aimlessly....so funny...got beatiful gifts from my friends..from my best friend...a made it herself photo prame with beautiful designs..my good friend passed away just 2 days after my birthday..im so sad..my heart is soo pain...tmr is his cremation..i duno wat to do..i will miss him so much...i loved him soo..!!!BRO WHY!!!!!what bout the KFC challenges..i still want it!!!come back!!!

reviews of my birthday

well i must say my birthday was not bad at all. it was quite fun actually...did not go for jap class came home instead...lunchtime went to buy shirt with mei mei..gave cake out durin lesson...got 1 present only though from mei but i don mind...but wat saddens me was my close friends did not even wish me anything....im not thinkin bout it..than the day befre by birthday..stayed up till 4 am to watch "My lovely Samsoon". oh man...so romantike...arrgghhh!! cant take it! i lve the last episode...muakz....love tat show....Samshi's is shooo cute!!!! hee espically with the hair down..so boyish...