Friday, May 19, 2006
Saturday, May 13, 2006
re
i hate life!!! N I FEEL SOOOOO FUCKING STUPID MAN!! SO DAMN STUPID WHY AM I FALLING AGAIN N HURTING AGAIN!! WHY MUST HE HURT ME THE SAME WAY AS JOEL DID WHY!! WHY? DOUSHITE? DOUSHITE!!!!!!!!!!! AARRGGGHHHHHHHHHHH WHY AM I SO STUPID..I FEEL BROKEN,BETRAYED HURT N ANGRY...I FEEL SO WEAK N I HATE FEELING WEAK AS IM NOT...! at least after meetin them today later on met the gang with kat haha had so much fun. they are all as crazy as ever n i MISS THEM SOO MUCH!!! haha mahen today seekin attention my gosh he kneeled in front of me...than durin late dinner..the rest danik,jun n ah ma went to toilet n picked up viki n urm..i put ice on their chair so funny.. haha than too bad it did not happen sigh... they did not fall for it than later on we celebrated vikis birthday...today in e end still ended grat!! i love my gang!
Friday, May 12, 2006
IM BACK!!
God Is Moving
by Hillsong United
album: United Live (2000)
Holy Spirit, Touch Your people
Teach us the ways of God
And as we live, As Jesus did
You are honored and lifted up
There's a stirring in the Spirit
There's an urgency in this hour
We as children must obey
Can you hear
The footsteps of God
God is moving, God is moving
Can you hear the sound
Of revival
As we praise You, as we sing
Draw near to us O God
As we cry out for the nations
Pour out revival in the land
There's a stirring in the Spirit
There's an urgency in this hour
We as children must obey
Can you hear
The footsteps of God
by Hillsong United
album: United Live (2000)
Holy Spirit, Touch Your people
Teach us the ways of God
And as we live, As Jesus did
You are honored and lifted up
There's a stirring in the Spirit
There's an urgency in this hour
We as children must obey
Can you hear
The footsteps of God
God is moving, God is moving
Can you hear the sound
Of revival
As we praise You, as we sing
Draw near to us O God
As we cry out for the nations
Pour out revival in the land
There's a stirring in the Spirit
There's an urgency in this hour
We as children must obey
Can you hear
The footsteps of God
Thursday, May 11, 2006
what am i going to do?
okie...i kinda like someone but i dont know if he likes me that i dont know....so on off on off but i myself don dare really believe that im liked in case i really fall too deep again and i will hurt..ive hurt for 2 damn years n its enough and with that place somemore..i will never go back there again...nt just tt guy but almost all hurt me so much..now im churchless but im still fine...sigh..GOd help me pls..
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
the future
i think im goin to be depressed again...just because im a village gal become rich gal n now i get shit like this..this year is gonna be shit n i know my birthday is gonna be even more shitter. i think last year i cried only one day before n in the early mornin this year both days...so funny i love it wao!! this years gonna suck even more than last year...im gonna cry more tts for sure...
something simple leads to another
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ok at first i told my mom that i wanted to go Japan to visit my friends bro and sis there n their family but since its so short cause its only 5 days and the air-fare is expensive of course since i was looking forward to it and than she drops the bomb she always does and than now im not goin so of course i shed tears n she calls that throwin tantrum funny huh she told this.. SO WAT IF U PASS YOUR N LEVELS YOU FAILED YOUR O LEVELS, U DON DESERVE TO GO FOR NUTS YET U STILL WANT A HOLIDAY OTHER PEOPLE WHO HAVE ALL As YET THEY ARE POOR AND THEY TOO CANT GO ON A HOLIDAY GO GO IF TAT MAKES U SOO STRESSED UP AND UNHAPPY GO IM HAPPY U GO CAN REALLY GET RID OF YOU!! DON STRESS ME UP WITH ALL THESE OKIE GO GO!!! the worst part is the u don deserve to go part cause of my O Lvels than nw she talks bout me in my current school. yes i know its damn expensive im so sorry i wasted that much money of me but have u ever thought why did i not do well besides the not studyin part...cause you were part of it that made me feel so frustrated and i cried alot last year actually haha that was partly wat caused me not to study n the other was laziness....lol...i know this year is goin to be even more FUCKED up than last year because i just know it..such a bad start wat do u think...sometimes i wonder now im studyin hard enough for wat i say...for wat?? wat i gain?? i gain nothing i don gain a holiday at all...n when i said that i did not have a holiday since sec 1 she blowed up saying this: HOLIDAY! HOIDAY! WAT HOLIDAY DO U EVEN DESERVE IT IN THE FIRST PLACE?? TELL ME DO U? than when i mentioned my n levels she got more angry than she tod me this i don like goin on holidays but if tat makes u soo sad n stressed than go ahead go ahead i don care i want to wash my hands of you and u make me disappointed..cause i cried... why must wat happened last year happen this year again hw long must i cry n cry before all this nonsense will stop?? are they just gonna force me into depresion again like last year where i had to cry everynight in my room and cut my self i feel like doin that u know but i rather smoke n study at least my brain will hurt due to too much studying haha i rather do that n i lve that hahahahahaha im cryin right now..it really hurts when she has to talk bout last year n i start rememberin all the hurt again...sigh....
Friday, May 05, 2006
People just won't understand
sigh noor....u sure?? ive made the cure for myself by meself for too long and people were and still are not there to help..some of them takes soo long than to call me...they sometimes just cant be bothered to call me at al... and they are the ones who hurt me...sigh......
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
crying unseen
haiz..looks like i really havta let him go but than its soo hard...ive not found someone i like or anyhow.....n i don dare open up again and than why is my heart crying again.....and i STILL FUCKIN HATE MYSELF for puttin myself through this pain...why..why....oh i feel like crying but i cant...i hate my life now...
Monday, May 01, 2006
haha
lifes wierd u know that...in e past it was school stressin and church relieving...nw its church stressin n school relieving..i don understnd one bit at all...hw? and was just lookin through some of my old blogs i did in my old blogger and well..its depressing....lol..veri depressing.....haha.....hmm..at least now im better..i still find cdss a fucked up school haha....i dont want to go back to church.....im sad...and there is somethin disturbing me..why do i keep thinking of someone when that someone will never think back....why.......i hate myself i really do i wish for someone who really be there for me...someone i like....not liked....sigh......why do i keep thinkin of him when he does not think of me..why do i keep thinkin it will work out when i know it wont...どして？ どして？今 に みな わ ほんとお きらい です。。。ごめんね。。。。。sigh......
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