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SHIT!

i blew it..i sent her such a sweet polite message saying i dont want to see her ever again and she replied with something so crude... i blew it..i told her so much shit..but its the truth...damn that bitch to hell! damn all the bitches from ex church to ex school...damn all you mother-fuckers to hell...

its hard....

here i am trying to resist my hatred..tryin to tie it down..yet again someone from the not so pleasant past has to come running and trying to ruin my now hetic life..ive already have so much on my plate..

1. I MISS MY SISTASSS AND MOM N DAD..(godmom and dad)
2. I MISS MY EX..whos away at camp
3. Freaking o levels
4. MY freaking hatred level..im doin self hatred- course
5. My weight prob
6. My money prob..sheesh!!

Im so tired...i need more books to read...

so therefore..this girl who came and is tryin to ruin my life is called Jie Ying. She friend requested me yesterday and I was irritated and angry and my hatred tried to come up and im trying to resist it..sheesh...so anyway..i just sent her a message telling her nicely that..i'll put up the real words..give me a seccy...


Dear Jie Ying,
I am going to decline your friendster request as i don't want to have anything to do with you anymore..ive already planned to cut my life away from those who hurt me..and i hurt them not that im hating you..i just dont want to have a weak n not trustin
relationship again.. guess we can never be friends again. I've been hurt before and as the saying goes 'once bitten, twice Shy'. So i just want to end this whole thing here and now, on a polite now. it includes joanna and rachael too. you have a good sister, mich. be good to her...

yup there it is..sigh...

and i dreamt of "him" again last Saturday....it was really funny actually...hilarious..but why am i dreaming of him again..my friend said it will take time..hw long will that be??

HOLIDAY!! and complaining

YES!! At last! Exams are over! Now its PARTYING! Im seriously having the time of my life right now...my darling cousin is out and we are having a hell of a time..woots! Tomorrow we're going to Escape..weepeee...cant wait...hmm...anonymous..thanks for that sweet entry but please do leave your name...ive had bad pasts with these anonymous people and i tend to get violent with them...not saying you of course..i might be suffering but that was than..im over the hatred..well most of it..and again, IM SO HAPPY! Im over the hatred i had for my ex-church though they don't deserve my forgivness but if i don't and keep the hate..im the one suffering..hee..and well my schoolmates,classmates,i cant give a shit bout them! im just not keeping the hatred in me..its too tiring and i need some sunlight for a while before i go back into my black evil world. hahahahahaha...i guess i'll never be that innocent ever again since my heart is already half black..i myself feel evil..i remember i used to joke with my best friend that what happens if one day i turn evil? and now..i just feel myself turning so violent...even now i still feel a part of me thats evil or something like that..gosh..but the only person i'll never forgive is tat fucking bitch! never! the day im interested in her being is if shes dead or i see her and we have a confrontation. Another thing, now even after the whole church shit, i still feel like christians are hypocrites....sigh... my life sucks!