unsure...lost.....

i dunno wats goin on with me now.....suddenly ive turned into a rude mouthed person....lashin out at any who is negative to me or my family.....i feel like im not worthy of going to church....its true i learn nothin from there.....i learn tat God loves me but i don learn any good morals........im rude.....helpless n disrespectful at times........i should stop going to church.......i don feel good enough for them n i really don learn anything from there......ive become more negative....feel more left out than before and really see tat life has no meaning for me......sometimes wat do i do in this world?wat am i livin in this world for? i became a christian n is suppose to spread the world but in the end i dont cause im not a good example at all to spread the world...i don save ppl i just make them hate me......n if im not tat good of a person how they see a christian is a good example?so i should stop being one......stop goin church till i can stop dwellin in my self pity and depression......stop bein so negative n become a better person........i dunno wat to do........no one is guiding me.......no one wants to guide me all they are doin is piling more on me......i know i should not see it like this but hw can i help it? Jesus suffered more than me no one guided him? wat can i say bout me............but really im feelin really lost now........i think im lost actually........from today till dunno when i'll stop going to church........to get my morals straight first they are not helpin at all..........sigh..........i feel lost n abandoned........i told them once when i lst them........i won have a reason to live anymore if i lost this family........im losin them n i don know if i can carry on now.................help!

CASTING CROWNS-VOICE OF TRUTH

Oh what I would do to haveThe kind of faith it takes To climb out of this boat I'm inOnto the crashing wavesTo step out of my comfort zoneInto the realm of the unknown where Jesus isAnd He's holding out His handBut the waves are calling out my name And they laugh at meReminding me of all the times I've tried before and failedThe waves they keep on telling meTime and time again. "Boy, you'll never win!""You'll never win!"Chorus: But the voice of truth tells me a different storyThe voice of truth says, "Do not be afraid!"The voice of truth says, "This is for My glory"Out of all the voices calling out to meI will choose to listen and believe the voice of truthOh what I would do to haveThe kind of strength it takes to stand before a giantWith just a sling and a stoneSurrounded by the sound of a thousand warriorsShaking in their armorWishing they'd have had the strength to standBut the giant's calling out my name And he laughs at meReminding me of all the times I've tried before and failedThe giant keeps on telling meTime and time again. "Boy you'll never win!""You'll never win!"But the stone was just the right sizeTo put the giant on the groundAnd the waves they don't seem so highFrom on top of them lookin' downI will soar with the wings of eaglesWhen I stop and listen to the sound of JesusSinging over meI will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

casting crowns-if we are the body

It's crowded in worship todayAs she slips in trying to fade into the facesThe girls teasing laughter is carrying farther than they knowFarther than they know
Chorus:But if we are the body Why aren't His arms reaching?Why aren't His hands healing?Why aren't His words teaching?And if we are the bodyWhy aren't His feet going?Why is His love not showing them there is a way?There is a way
A traveler is far away from homeHe sheds his coat and quietly sinks into the back rowThe weight of their judgmental glancesTells him that his chances are better out on the road
Chorus
Jesus paid much too high a priceFor us to pick and choose who should comeAnd we are the body of Christ
Chorus
Jesus is the way

im totally over him!

im over him! Im now just........ heart break.....

Mordecai recorded these events, and he sent letters to all the Jews throughout the provinces of King Xerxes, near and far, to have them celebrate annually the fourteenth and fifteenth days of the month of Adar as the time when the Jews got relief from their enemies, and as the month when their sorrow was turned into joy and their mourning into a day of celebration. He wrote them to observe the days as days of feasting and joy and giving presents of food to one another and gifts to the poor. (Est 9:20-22 NIV)
Prayer: LORD, help me to look to You today with joy in my heart and celebrate what will happen in the future, because as certain as You are, my circumstances will change. Give me courage and strength to maintain my faith and hope in You and trust You that no matter how difficult things may be now, there will come a day when I too will be able to look back and say, "This was when it changed." It may be tomorrow, or it may not be for a long time yet, but things will certainly change. I set my heart to trust Your timing and to look to Your unfailing promises, regardless of present circumstances. In Jesus' name, Amen

it hurts!

it hurts u know.....the pain your causing..its not you actually.....its more of the memory of you that is cuttin me deep within......we are friends i love u for that......but now friends know bout it.....n they are mockin....i have to pretend wat else can i say? i love u its sounds disgusting but its true.....im in pain......even the cutting is not enough.....when will it stop? For this n other stuff...ive strayed away from my one true love.....my Father Lord how do i pick myself back up?anyways......new verse comin out soon.......im strong i won cry i won hurt i will just laugh it of n forget you......n forver treat u as my brother.......peace out!

WAT THE FUCK!!WATEVA IVE HAD ENOUGH SHIT!

okie.when things were just startin to get better,you had to fuck it all up again! i mean like what the hell! like my life is not already scrwed up enough it had to get worse...u know wat....kiss my ass man n just shut up for once!arrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

A champion named Goliath, who was from Gath, came out of the Philistine camp. He was over nine feet tall. He had a bronze helmet on his head and wore a coat of scale armor of bronze weighing five thousand shekels; on his legs he wore bronze greaves, and a bronze javelin was slung on his back. His spear shaft was like a weaver's rod, and its iron point weighed six hundred shekels. His shield bearer went ahead of him. Goliath stood and shouted to the ranks of Israel, "Why do you come out and line up for battle? Am I not a Philistine, and are you not the servants of Saul? Choose a man and have him come down to me." On hearing the Philistine's words, Saul and all the Israelites were dismayed and terrified. (1 Sam 17:4-8,11 NIV)
Prayer: LORD, sometimes things I hear and challenges I encounter are frightening because they appear to be so big and I can see no way to overcome them. When things look their worst, instead of giving in to feelings of panic and fear, help me to pray and look to You, my source of strength and courage. Help me to hear Your voice and follow Your directions, regardless of what I feel or what others may think. I know that You are greater than the challenge of any "Goliath" in my life, and You already have a solution to what I face before I face it. Thank You for being my sure and certain hope in otherwise hopeless times. In Jesus' name, Amen.

So Jesus went with them. He was not far from the house when the centurion sent friends to say to him: "Lord, don't trouble yourself, for I do not deserve to have you come under my roof. That is why I did not even consider myself worthy to come to you. But say the word, and my servant will be healed. For I myself am a man under authority, with soldiers under me. I tell this one, 'Go,' and he goes; and that one, 'Come,' and he comes. I say to my servant, 'Do this,' and he does it." When Jesus heard this, he was amazed at him, and turning to the crowd following him, he said, "I tell you, I have not found such great faith even in Israel." (Luke 7:6-9 NIV)
Prayer: LORD, if understanding authority is part of faith, then I want to understand more of Your authority and how it works. Help me to believe that You have both the authority to enforce what You say, and the ability and willingness to do it. I want to believe, without doubt, that You will do all that You have promised - for me. Thank You for Your great patience with me as I grow. In Jesus' name, Amen.